Don’t Assume, Ask! Perspective-Getting Is a Tool for Professional & Personal Success

Perspective-taking is critical for effective leadership and success, but that’s only half the story. Here’s why getting perspective is equally essential

The ability to see things from another’s point of view is an important life skill. Perspective-taking is a cognitive phenomenon closely related to—but not to be confused with—empathy, the ability to feel what someone else is feeling.

Being a perspective taker can develop someone into a better negotiator, salesperson, or leader; it can make teams more effective and creative. But coupling perspective-taking with perspective-getting elevates your emotional intelligence (EQ)—and it could make you a better person. 

The power of perspective

Learning to value the opinions and outlooks of others is a hallmark of great leaders. In everyday life, being a perspective taker means you can imagine what it is like to experience the world as someone else. Research has shown the positive effects of perspective-taking, including increased altruism, decreased stereotyping, and the ability to form stronger social bonds. 

The topic is not new: in 1936, Dale Carnegie listed “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view” as Principle 8 in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Since then, the idea of stepping into someone else’s shoes has been stressed in uncountable leadership trainings and executive coaching sessions. The ability to “get” employees and form a connection with them is one of the most celebrated qualities in executives. 

The weakness of perspective-taking

That said: Being a successful perspective-taker means being able to accurately guess another person’s point of view because it cannot be fully known. And countless research studies have revealed that humans are not all that skilled at doing this. Even with the people we may feel we know best, there are black holes of information unavailable to us or our assumptions. 

So, inevitably, perspective-taking has a significant weakness. Its effectiveness relies on the accuracy of our imaginations. And there’s a good chance we will be wrong a large percentage of the time. If you do not know what it is like to be a single mother, face cancer, or come from poverty, you cannot realistically claim to share another's perspective. You can empathize, and you can attempt to understand—but you simply cannot know.

It’s easy to make quick and convincing judgments about people based on their words and actions, but it is challenging to make an accurate assessment. Psychological researchers have concluded that perspective-taking is a task that draws on several different abilities. Few people have all of them, making the task difficult. 

Some research studies have found that not only did active perspective-taking not increase the ability to “mind read,” it actually impaired behavior, resulting in negative outcomes. In interracial interactions, for example, researchers found perspective-taking harmed the exchange because subjects focused too much on how they were being perceived and too little on the interaction itself. 

Recognizing that people have points of view that differ from your own is an excellent start. But it does not provide enough insight into what those views are. 

How to be a perspective getter

To truly understand where someone else is coming from, first acknowledge that you do not have intuition superpowers, and any assumptions you make could be wrong. Learn to stop guessing what someone else believes and use the superpowers of active listening and quiet observation instead.

Research shows that individuals gain understanding about someone only when they acquire new information from them. This is called perspective-getting. When trying to understand the perspectives of other people, let them be your source. Assume only enough to ask the right questions.

Used together, perspective-taking and getting can make you a more compassionate and effective leader. For example, a leader interested in expanding company benefits can take the perspective of the single mothers in her office to better understand how to meet their needs. But only by engaging with those employees and listening to them describe their challenges will she get an accurate picture of how she can help and what form that should take.

Listening to others rather than assuming you already know what they have to say is a path toward better professional and personal relationships. It can help us all develop a deeper tolerance of the differences in others. And it’s a crucial skill in an age of divisiveness heightened by social media.

One of the most satisfying benefits of practicing perspective-taking and getting is the ability to improve relationships with everyone in your life, professionally and personally. The next time you think you know what it must be like to be in someone else’s situation, understand that you probably don’t. 

And then ask.

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